Jeremy Clarkson has laid out his fears, hopes and anxieties following the latest rumpus over his N word boo-boo.
He used the bad word in a film out-take on his ludicrous Top Gear show where he ponces about with his two oddball pals in cars and makes loads of money being offensive knowing his supine BBC bosses won’t do anything because he makes them so much dosh in moneymaking productions.
Blames Everyone Else
But tonight outside a Lincolnshire hideaway and sitting in his 1973 2.0 litre Cortina with racing stripes, furtively smoking an E-ciggy and taking chugs of Irn Bru-lite as he nervously peered into his rear view mirror, he told me: “Howie, old mate, I boo-boo-ed.
‘My worst mistake is getting caught and I blame everyone but myself for saying a word only the BNP and racists use. I shall quit TV and all personal appearances and take to the cloth to spread the word of Jesus,” he added as he nervously fingered a BMW stitch-on badge on his rally car jacket picked up for £49.99 at TK Maxx.
Jazza – as he is know to buddies – has been in trouble before. But this mistake could blow the lid off his career which is based on acting the buffoon for about £1 million annually in taxpayers’ hard earned cash to drive around and make derisory comments about anyone who is not a WASP from an upper middle class background.
Jazza and Top gear pals
But no more. The till is about to shut tight on his greedy fingers.
Jazza added: “I love all races, creeds and religions. The fact that I uttered a naughty objectionable word is the fault of my producer, my director, my PA, the BBC, my two pals Hammo and the guy with the mad hair, my accountant, my marketing agent, my….”
El Jazzareenio then broke down and cried, his industrially-faded, stone-washed hip-hugger jeans stained with salty tears of humble regret at a promising career ruined with one bad mistake (that was the fault of his producer, his director, his PA….)
Phil, a Clarkson fan and a dab hand at second hand car sales himself said from his Leeds auto dealership: “Lord Jeremy has to learn to shut his gob. He should take a lesson from Nigel Farage who never puts a foot wrong.”