Cammo (left) backs nuke plan and flunkie has no idea
Howard Elston, our energy editor, explores the current outcry over the Sino-Franco-Anglo nuclear plan.
I can reveal (writes Sir Howard), for the first time ever, the Chinese mindset over its investment in the future of Britain’s nuclear energy plans.
In a stunning 121 hush-hush interview situation, Beijing bosses told me: ‘We’re in it for the money. If Brits are stupid enough to allow foreign private energy companies to ratchet up prices by 10 percent at the snap of a greedy finger, we’re putting our chips on the table.’
‘We’re in, baby.’
English Prime Dude David Cameron hailed the UK government agreement with French-owned EDF and its Chinese backers to build the first new British nuclear power station in 20 years, saying it was a very big day for Britain and would kickstart a new generation of nuclear power in the UK.
The energy secretary, Ed Davey, claimed it would result in energy bills falling by more than £75 by 2030.
He added: “If we don’t make these essential investments … we’re going to see the lights going out.”
But the Beijing big money men have other ideas. Over noodles and kebabs, the un-named source said: ‘Britain is supine when it comes to private energy companies rolling them over like drunks in a Saturday night alley.’
‘We have a saying in China: Take the dough.’
The first thing the Sino-French consortium will do is increase paper work to ensure that electricity and gas bills are even more inscrutable.
I can reveal that this will mean any monthly bills generated from nuclear plants by 2030 will be in Manchurian and Basque.
Also, call centres will be re-located to Hull so no one can understand what ‘Customer Relations” has to say. This is to stop smarty pants cleints who can understand Chinese or French, insiders told me over a plate of peanutbutter fortune cookies.
The Beijing supremo added: ‘We are thinking of the environment too. We picked the Hinckley site to help build the Anglo nuclear plant because it is on a muddy estuary with alot of bird watchers. Within a year or two, you’ll be able to see the Parmiated Seagulls and Long Necked Snipes at night because they will have turned blue.’
Bobby Jane, a leading environmentalist, said through her tough Scottish accent: ‘ Hats off to yon Chinese. Aye, and I’ll have one of those semi roasted nuclearised pigeons with some apple sauce, if ye don’t mind.’
@sirhowardelston