Our foreigners correspondent Sir Howard Elston (DOA), gives us the inside factoids on that overseas worker row that has rocked this nation to our very British core.
Sources linked to insiders associated with Deep-Throat confidants who know the hush hush secrets of the inner circle have told me that the government is about to pounce on overseas workers who are taking our jobs.
I can reveal that it has put together a hit list to ensure British people keep British jobs. Those not entitled to work here will be given a one way ticket to Dieppe.
The source told me over a cask strength Lagavullin whiskey double: ‘We’re after Ozzies that run our newspapers, French who control our energy supply, Indians who make our cars and Yanks who own our football teams.’
‘Though PM Dave Cameron and his top deputy Nigel Klegg value their efforts, it is time we gave British people the chance to run our vital industries.’ he added.
Source: Send ’em packing
The row started when shadow immigration boss Chris ‘I’ll Jump On Any Bandwagon‘ Bryant said big companies were sacking eager UK workers for lazy East Europeans.
The source added: ‘We also want to ensure British footballers actually get a chance to kick a ball on Premiership pitches. So all foreign players, especially those who are vile and make £120,00 per week, will be sent packing.’
UKIP boss Normal Farrago welcomes the move. He said: ‘Great decision. Make mine a pint of something weak and bitter- sort of like Cleggie, really.’
Immigration boffin Phil from Leeds, who also runs a tiptop Trabant dealership in Yorkshire commented: ‘Whoar. Buy British when it comes to cars like a…uuhhh, errrr…ahem…
‘