I'll sue, says top Tory
From Howard Elston, Our Man in the Know with the Blackberry in his hand and a cheese and onion sandwich in the other
Top Tories, furious at having to cancel summer holidays, are to sue rioters for loss of leisure time.
PM David Cameron had to wipe out part of his Tuscan jaunt; Treasury boss George Osborne had to fly home from California and Home Secretary Theresa May had to kill off her vacation wherever people like Theresa May have their breaks.
As for Nick Clegg, the Lidem saddo, no one asked him what he was doing as it doesn’t matter.
I can reveal that Tory grandees will have their people talk to the rioters’ people about one-off payments to keep the Holiday Havoc row out of the courts.
A source deep within the Conservative Party said: ’What with 14 year old kids being hauled before the judges up and down this great land of ours, the legal system just couldn’t cope with a law suit. Plus you have the Murdoch saga to contend with…’
‘But our leaders will sue if they are pushed.’
‘Dave is furious that he shall have to stump up the excess on his holiday insurance. He recently upped it to £500 to cut back on the premiums.’
Mr Osborne is equally upset as he had 50% discounts on every pizza delivery he received at his posh LA hotel. And he had bought a real baseball hat from the California Angels baseball team off the net.
‘Now they’re paying the price’ , added the source, ‘But they think the looters should at least compensate them.’
Earlier this week Mr Cameron visited Birmingham, a city in the Midlands of England near Wolverhampton, to view the disturbance chaos.
On his way to Nandos for a chicken burger, he stopped in at this website’s international HQ to talk to me. He told me exclusively: ‘The front bench are the real victims.’
‘We’ve had our backs to the wall over our appropriate chats with the Murdoch empire; our expansion of the NHS to help private doctors, private health insurance companies and private companies who’ll make a whack out of the reorganisation; and the terrific fiscal job we are doing keeping ahead of the recession by cutting everything.’
‘It just isn’t fair.’
A rioters’ spokesman declined to comment. But he said the nation-wide disturbances were the work of one man.