Nick Clegg has undergone a secret operation today on his Inner Coalition organ – and experts say it may change the way he speaks.
Medical supremos say Nick – nicknamed Quisling by political pundits – had his vocal chords transformed to such a degree that the Koalition King may just have an accent called by many ‘The Bullingdon Bounce.’
This effects the voice patterns, drawl, cadence and nasal delivery of southern posh softies from rich backgrounds who mangle their vowels, lie in the face of the truth and eat ‘inappropriate’ lunches with the Murdochs who are from Australia and own the British media but are Americans.
One doctor said: ‘Nick said after the surgery that he felt fine and wanted Chris Huhne to drive for him around for the next two days. Nick’s that confident.’
David Cameron, who is Prime Minister and runs Team UK, added: ‘Don’t know the bloke. Is he an MP?’
Nick Who...?
Many have noticed that Mr Clegg, previous to his operation, was not in front of the cameras that often. He was noticeably absent during the News International furore even though it is known he has strong views on the ‘dicing with the truth’ bosses of the media organisation.
A Westminster source told me in hush-hush top secret confidential tones: ‘The Tories had slapped Nicky’s big fat Libdem mouth shut because he is such a Murdoch fan. He thinks The Sun is great, the Sunday Times always does unbiased investigations based on half truths and assumptions and the News of the World was a top class paper that always had its readers in mind and didn’t carry out vendetta based on illegal tapes.’
Katie Price, who used to be known as Jordan, added: ‘Nick’s great. I hope he remains a Tory.’