Council leaders were celebrating today as the city announced that a third Olympic squad will use Birmingham as a base prior to the 2012 London Olympics. Following news that the US and Jamaican track and field teams will train in the city in the run up to the Games, contracts have been signed for the Tuvalu weightlifting squad to complete his pre-games preparation in the UK’s self-styled city of sport.
The hush-hush deal came about when proud Brummie Austin Lucas of Stockland Green offered free use of his spare ground floor utility room to the Tuvaluvians after reading that a financial shortfall in the Tuvaletian Olympic budget might jeopardise their chances of undertaking vital training sessions in English conditions prior to their appearance at the Olympics. The Games are widely considered to be the world’s largest multi-sport event, rivalled in prestige only by the Premier League.
The plucky islander will arrive in the fashionable north Birmingham suburb in early July, living and training at 53-year old Mr. Lucas’s unobtrusive three-bedroom semi-detached house in Brian Close. At last night’s hastily called press conference to announce the news,beaming Council Leader Mike Whitby said: “While our efforts to secure the Jamaican and American squads were high profile, we decided on a softly softly approach with this one, as we knew there were rival villages and hamlets keen to get the Tuvaluese to commit.” Whitby personally took charge of the Birmingham offer, flying twice to the Tuvalu capital Fongafale for high-level talks with that country’s Olympic Weightlifting Association. “They were impressed with Mr. Lucas’s enthusiasm, his first class training facilities and his 42” HD television with built in surround sound. Our message to the people of Tuvalu is that Birmingham is open for business!”
Alongside Cllr. Whitby an ebullient Mr. Lucas explained how David Cameron’s Big Society had been the catalyst for his initiative: “I’m a Brummie through and through and I was gutted when Aston Villa pulled out of hosting Olympic football matches. So I thought it’s time to step up to the plate and give something back to the community that’s made me the person I am today. When the Prime Minister launched his Big Society idea I realised that by thinking outside of the box my idea ticked all the right boxes.”
Though smaller than both the US and Jamaican athletic teams, and perhaps lacking those countries’ star names, Tuvalu’s weightlifter is not strongly fancied for Olympic Gold, With just one competitor to accommodate (although a wrestler, the country’s two man handball team and Olympic officials will stay in the picturesque Welsh mining town of Merthyr Tydfil) Austin Lucas will be able to provide exclusive training facilities for his illustrious guest: “I’m planning the mother of all Spring cleans in the utility room next year. I’ve already had it decorated and a radiator put in, the floor is concrete so hopefully it should hold up just fine. The kids have left home and my wife ran off with our local vicar in 2009, so I’ve been a bit lonely here lately, rattling around the place like a dried pea in a tin can. It’ll be nice to have some company for a couple of weeks and to have the world’s media and their satellite trucks descending on me. I really must get the front garden paved over.”
Flanking Whitby at the press launch, Cabinet Member for Leisure, Sport and Culture, Cllr. Martin Mullaney (Lib Dem) announced that he was investigating whether there would be the possibility of moving one of the city’s festivals to Stockland Green to take advantage of the anticipated media storm once the Tuvaluese arrive. “We’re thinking about bringing in a German-style summer Christmas market, but with a South Sea Island twist. And I’ve asked my officers at the House of Sport to investigate whether we can get local schools in both Stockland Green and nearby Kingstanding to put on a weightlifting festival. Whatever we eventually decide though, there’s no doubt that this is going to put Stockland Green on the world map of sport.”