Richard Lutz flips the calendar over to April the First to see what’s happening on Planet Earth today.
Hmmm…now let’s see this being the first day of the fourth month, y’know, April the First if you see what I mean.
In Libya, we are backing the rebels because they are democratic goodguys but not really backing the rebels in Bahrain or Yemen because they’re not really goodguys because we are friends with the bad guys there.
In Old Blighty, the Libyan Foreign Secretary Moussa Koussa (great name, it’s not an April Fool’s joke) is snuggling up in a safe house. His bloody hands are, well, full of encrusted blood from Lockerbie and a downed plane over the Sahara a year later as well as knowledge of IRA bomb sales and eradicating ‘stray dog’ opponents of the regime. And he’s …kind of… our guest and pal even though 32 seconds ago he was the detested lackey of Gaddafi.
In Downing Street, there’s a coalition but it’s not really a coalition because the Tories really run the place anyway but Nick Clegg, the liberal LidDem leader, turns out to be more rightwing than his boss- the Tory guy.
In the Premier League, there’s a move afoot to ‘curb indiscipline.’ This from a sport that sees stars discharge air rifles in the clubhouse; where England captains are sacked (but later reinstated) for stealing pals’ girlfriends; and, lads on £100,000 a week rant and rave at lowly refs who are just trying to keep the game fair and square.
Ireland, the Celtic tiger, is broke. About £21bn is needed to rescue its banks .
In Birmingham, a 65 year old tv newcaster wants to become Mayor and seems ready to throw his hat into the ring despite no one knowing what his politics are.
And speaking of mayors, in London, photos abound of Boris Johnson riding a bicycle alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger in order to promote something, I’m not sure what exactly.
On our motorways, petrol is 140p per litre
And around the corner from my house (and this is plain fact) the garage REFUSED to take any money for a minor repair
Back here on Planet Earth, Happy April the First…and it’s all true