The Elston Files

We publish today a harrowing tale of woe as Sir Howard Elston – Financial Advisor to the Stars – explains how he struck a compromise to retreat from the brink of cliche to settle a debt to pull himself together and return to normal, escaping the hell of fiscal neuroses.

HOWARD: Bye Bye Blackberry

  Struggling smartphone maker Blackberry has agreed in principle to be bought by a consortium  for $4.7bn (£3bn). HOWARD ELSTON (DOA) EXPLAINS WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU AND ME So, you were a real smartypants way back when and bought yourself a Blackberry so you could be a Master of the Universe. So, you could…

Howard Sez: Kick Out The Foreign Workers

    Our foreigners correspondent Sir Howard Elston (DOA), gives us the inside factoids on that overseas worker row that has rocked this nation to our very British core. Sources linked to insiders associated with Deep-Throat confidants who know the hush hush secrets of the inner circle have told me that the government is about…