Love is all you need

By our entertainment staff.

Howard Elston, our roving editor, today denied he had ever had an indiscreet relationship with Wendi Deng, the ex wife of Roop the Snoop Murdoch.

Speaking from his permanent headquarters at Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion in downtown Doncaster, the UK’s hottest social scene, he said in a written statement: ‘No way, buddy. I don’t cuckold my best pals. Me and Roop go a long ways back to when we used to go kangaroo hunting just outside of Moonie Moonie, New South Wales.’

Mrs Deng-Murdoch has also denied a link. Her PA to her special assistant told us: ‘Howard and I are just friends. I wanted him to be godfather to my next child. But Tony had first dibs.’

Phil, a love expert and famed second hand car dealer from Harrogate, commented after being paid the requisite £100: ‘Whew. I just gotta pick up The Sun tomorrow to see what Roop’s hacks are gonna write.’

Mr Murdoch is 107 years old tomorrow. Ms Deng is 18. Howard is almost out to pasture.