Our Royal Reporter Sir Howard Elston sends us the latest from the wedding.
Prince William and Mrs Prince William will honeymoon in Damascus according to my top-tip source inside Buckingham Palace.
She told me: ‘They’re young and in love and always are up for a bit of a dare and a laugh.’
‘Harry said to either dress as Nazis like he did or go to a fun place like the Syrian capital.’
‘They opted for the trip because of the whole air miles thing.’ she explained amid the roar from the millions lining the mall all wearing stupid plastic bowler hats from Lidl’s.
First stop for the newlyweds will be a Triple Latte at Terminal Five’s Starbucks. Our Kate will go for whipped cream on her java but Our Wills will stick with one of those funny clove things that Starbucks jams into anything to justify slapping you with £5 for a cup of joe.
Then, it’s off to sunny Syria where they will go to a souk, take a spin with Whirling Dervishes who have been banned and murdered by the murderous government, talk to dissident democrats who have been shot at and murdered by the murderous regime and pay a private visit to the home of the Syrian UK ambassador who had been stopped at the Westminster gates by jittery Whitehall bosses.
The source added: ‘The private visit to the ambassador’s mansion in downtown Damascus will be a highlight. There, the so-much-in-love couple will be given a silver plated Uzi that is an emblem of the Syrian- ideals of shooting people who dare to walk in the streets saying what they feel.’
Later, Kate’s parents will use their British Air retirees’ fly-pass to join them in Syria’s very own Brighton- Latakia- which is known for not much as it is studded with metal pilings and barricades in case the West, Israel, fundamentalists, the Russians or North Korea decide to invade.
A super injunction stops me from telling you how oh-so-lovely Posh Spice will sing to them in a private song-fest in their five star hotel in Palmyra or how an unidentified oh-so-handsome husband with tattooes will have a game of footy with Our Wills as he tours the Syiran urban battlefields
The source added: ‘We here at Buckingham Palace are very sensitive to the emotions among the millions of people who earn less than 20K annually and have crammed the London streets today thinking Britain will somehow change with a sweet-faced faced Royal marrying his commoner millionaire’s daughter wife.’
‘It is a People’s Party and the Syrian holiday will really kick off things.’