Sir Howie Elston, our White House snoop, reports on the unedited audio feed straight from the West Wing.
Don: We gotta stop these mail-in votes. They’re undemocratic …
Pompeo: Remind me why again…
Don (grabbing a burger): Because I’ll lose
Mnuchin: But you’ll lose anyway.
Don (gobbling a chili dog): But it’s unconstitutional. You said it yourself
Pompeo: I was talking about Nicaragua
Don: Do we own it?
Kanye West: Not yet.
Don (shlurping a choco-mint frappe): Buy Nicaragua where they got no postal votes and I’ll say it’s a states’ rights issue. Tell ‘em I’ll throw in one of my sons- the stupid one- and a golf course in Scotland.
Pompeo: I don’t think they’ll sell
Melana: Throw in Ivanka
Don (tackling a bonus bag of Reece’s peanut butter cups): We gotta fix the vote. Biden’s busting my butt. When’s the election?
Don (downing a magnum of Diet Coke): Is that after September?
Mnuchin: It’s in the fall.
Don: Every year?
(Unidentifiable attendee bangs head on table. Inaudible sound as meeting stops for cheeseburger break)
A full transcript of the meeting can be found at dickheadtapes.com