The Prez warns Tehran about his new peace plan, says our diplomatic reporter Sir Howie Elston.
I am sitting in my favourite Naugahyde banquette at the discreet Beltway Bar and Grille (writes Sir Howard) after a riveting 45 second in-depth behind closed doors top secret 121 interview with the president of the United Snakes, Lord Donald Trump (see above).
After rifling through his secret stash of Hustler back copies (uniquely autographed in an indeterminate fluid by each issues’s cover model), he told me:
“Howie, I’m personally gonna lay the first stone on a wall around Iran to stop them Commie mullahs from attacking my kingdom.
“Comstruction will start with highly skilled workers from Mexico and our other friendly neighbours and this will offer more security for our allies such as North Korea and ….err… others.”
Work will be supervised, he offered, by a shock troop of blonde cosmetically-enhanced screechy spokes-harpies who have actively supported his insane views since he took over the throne at the White House Kremlin in what seems centuries ago.
“Only the best will be shanghied to build that wall to keep my world safe,” he opined, thumbing through his library of adult leatherbound DVDs.
“Salaries will be paid in roubles from my personal bank account and administered by my totally honest son in law Adam Kushner who is presently in Kazakhstan overseeing an upgrading of that wonderful country’s elite torture camps developments.”
The Iran Wall project, code named Operation Stormy Mushroom Daniels, will begin once the President buys Kansas voters during the upcoming mid-term elections in a month’s time, which will demonstrably show how the nation loves what many call Our Dear Leader.