Sir Howard Elston answers all those tricky questions that plague our little planet.
How can we stop them pesky Russkies from poisoning folks here in Blighty? They’re ruining everything, including the weather – from Sandra in Exeter.
EZ Peazey, Sandy: Stop laundering Russian money pouring through our banks. Stop them buying our mansions. And force them to watch England play football this summer at their crappy World Cup Gulag Games where they’ll obviously drug the refs, poison all linesmen and jail all fans from west of the Elbe.