Green today, gone tomorrow for government number two

Mr Green checks his computer files[/caption]

Sir Howard Elston, our Westminster man in the know, disentangles the laments of Damian Green.

There’s been such a hullalaboo over Mr Green’s sudden disappearance (scribbles Sir Howard) over Porngate and what he did or didn’t do over a friendly cup of tea with a young researcher, that I feel it necessary to de-code his well considered statements before he left Downing Street yesterday in bit of a hurry.

Yes, Greenie is gone. He’s guilty of being found out. But let’s go over the words of his fond farewell to Ms May, his colleagues, the valiant press and his pals at the police who had the temerity to allegedly discover dirty pix on his government computer. What do these words actually mean?

Here’s a rundown of semantically important nuances, as we like to say in the linguistic trade

Resign = sacked

Sudden Departure = sacked 

Reconsider my position = fired

Forced to resign = fired

Stand down = sacked

Spend more time with my family, my model airplane collection, helping the poor= sacked

Phil from Leeds, a noted Parliamentarian semantic expert who also runs a highly successful plumbing business in West Yorkshire, commented in a commenty sort of way: “Hey, lay off the guy. MPs get a rough ride now that they can’t makes a mint out of dirty expenses, flipping second mortgages and freebie junkets to exotic islands.

“By the way, I’m doing a great post-Christmas deal on central heating pumps. More than 30% off if you’re a sacked politician”.


(This article is free to access. But if you wish to donate to our Yuletide Kids Fund, just send cash to: Sir Howie Elston, c/o cell block 34, Joliet State Correction Unit, Joliet, Illinois)