Here’s the latest from our White House sauce.
Chunka Chunka Chunka (sound of old fashioned teletype machines now only found in museums)
General John Kelly, the newly pointed White House chief of staff, today wielded the axe and fired Donald Trump.
The Prez (writes Sir Howard Elston) was told at 8am: “You’re so outta here, fat boy. Take your notepad and coloured pencils and scram.”
General Kelly was brought in to tighten up a presidential regime seen by many as chaotic and divisive. First, spokesthing Sean Spicer was sacked. Then Tony Toiletmouth Scaddabadoody was unceremoniously dumped for his naughty lingo.
White House pressmouth Lucy Spokesthing said: “It was felt Mr Trump would find more satisfaction in other fields of endeavour.”
He was seen early this morning gripping a cardboard box of personal effects including a leather puppet of Joe Stalin, bound by manacles and led away by Russian Security officers.
Phil, a longtime White House watcher and a very good Yorkshire second hand car dealer from Helmsley under Mud said: “Like, this is so beautiful. It will make the White House so much a better place for Americans. General Kelly will now set up a liberal but tough military caretaker government until further notice.
“Curfews will being at 18.00 of tonight.”