Sir Howard: I have had it with the so bad lying media thing

Howard Elston takes on false lying journalists..they’re wrong, wrong, wrong.

I have been awaiting this interlude for some time. Finally, I take advantage of the soft option of parole from my usual suite of rooms in Cell Block K at the Joliet Residence for Maladjusted Gentleman (writes Sir Howard on the back of a discarded envelope). And what better time than to give my objective opinion on the out of control Chinese-loving fake story elitist hacks who are lyingly deceivng the Real People of America and our freedom loving friends and allies in Russia and North Korea?

I wish to make this so important statement:

Any number of you pondlife press people and you TV dummies have approached me for my thoughts and insights into the world.

But from today, I candidly say: “I don’t trust you. You all spread false lies about my past, my completely voluntary residence in Joliet Penn and my views on sex, race and any mention of the ubermensch.”

Therefore, as the only sane person on this planet, I deny you, the fake media, the right to approach me. You are wrong, wrong and lying wrong.

And that is bad, bad and bad. And that is not good. You media all grew up in rich gated neighbourhoods, went to posh colleges and were fed with a silver spoon. Unlike me, who had to dig for turnips in the gardens of my family’s 47 room mansion in order to eat, was forced to be driven to school in a limo through the tough streets of the Upper East Side and was only given a million by my father to start off my totally honest real estate business.

So, all you out there: Sll requests for audiences and on the record chats must go through my office while I am indisposed. Just get in touch with The Sir Howard Elston Charity for Sick Kids, Poste Restante, Panama City, Panama. Any donations, by the way, are cash only.

This website adds: Our media specialist, Phil from Leeds, comments: “Good for Lord Elston. It’s about time he rightfully slams the deceitful NY Times, the elitist lying BBC and the flimflam operation that is The Yorkshire Post and its sister paper The Giggleswick Shuttlle.

“Right on Howie. Hang tough.”