Mr Trump

Kim Jong Un

Sir Howard Elston, our media reporter, on a secret report of who backs the Presidential ban on journalists. 

In a tiptop, hush hush, 121, behind closed doors in camera shock exclusive, I have interviewed numerous sources who tell me that Donald Trump (see above) has received overwhelming support for his hardline exclusion on journalists. .

A secret CIA/MI6 joint inquiry found that his tough tactics are paying off on the international stage.

North Korea leader Kim Jong Un (see above) is quoted from wiretaps as saying: “Long Live His Highness Trump. He has shown the slavish dogs of the press who is boss.”

Mr Un was speaking despite his grief at losing his half-brother Kim Jong Nam who accidently and tragically rammed his face into clothe impregnated with VX nerve gas which the UN described as a weapon of mass destruction.

The North Korean’s backing for Trump is among legions of other freedom loving leaders around the world who globally support the White House decision to halt entry to the lying cheating media such as The New York Times, the BBC and CNN.

Other groups supporting his rally cry for a real truth free press include:

• the wholly independent North Korean cabinet which lined up behind their leader as they cheerfully volunteered to have Gloch semi-automatics held to their heads .
• Vlad ‘The Bad’ Putin. Eastern Ukraine, Crimea,  Georgia, Chechnya and Aleppo. Need we say more?
• Paul Nuttall, Britain’s totally honest far-right loony UKIP supremo  who can’t count the number of times he has been  economic with the truth. 
• That really bad dude from The Night Manager who buys and sells weapons.
• Boris Badonov from The Rocky and Buillwinkle Show.
• Others.

Mr Trump’s mouthpiece, Sean Spaceman, commented to  Brietbart reporter Larry Schmuck, who was the only attendee at an off the record briefing after all other journalists were banned, said: “I believe in press freedom as long as we are asked anything we like. And no, I did not steal that joke from the front page of Private Eye magazine.”

Phil, this website’s Trump-watcher General who perches himself way up on the Yorkshire Moors, said: “The so- called honest media. Ha!! Nerve gas is too good for ’em. A coupla weeks in one of Comrade Un’s re-education camps is what’s needed.’

‘The Don knows how to handle noisome lizards from the press. Let’s hope Maggie May puts the boot in before the British media goes bankrupt.”