Birmingham will combine with surrounding towns to become one unified council. Sir Howard Elston, our local authority supremo, reveals its new exciting name.
After months of wrangling, backroom debate and political arm-twisting, the West Midlands will launch a new local authority now that local government heavyweights have finally agreed on a name.
An insider told me over day-old egg sandwiches and lukewarm cups of tea:”The name is the game. It must be a worldwide brand to attract business and tourists.”
Following hardline lobbying by various towns, it will now be called Walsall International City and Surrounding Other Bits Including Parts of the Black Country Which People Drive Through Really Quickly.’
The insider continued: “If we are to attract big hitters from Hong Kong, Chicago and India to put their money here, the name Walsall must be up in lights. Some wanted the area to be called Greater Birmingham. But no one would recognise that.”
Bosses from Wolverhampton, Walsall, Sandwell and Dudley Councils have been teaming up with Birmingham to thrash out the last minute details over the final combo name This has taken them around the world to identify their moniker- trips to Singapore, New York and Rio have helped inform their decision.
The Birmingham Press put searching big questions to the council leaders who will run the new authority:
A: We have no bloody idea.
Why not simply Greater Birmingham?
A: I mean, the world will prick up their ears when they see the Walsall logo fluttering in the international commerical wind. And anyway, who likes Brummies?
Why should towns like Wolverhampton, West Brom, Walsall and Dudley work with Birmingham then?
A: The new Walsall International City and Surrounding Other Bits Including Other Parts of the Black County Which People Drive Through Really Quickly is a name that rings bells. It is short, sharp and ensures we work together to dump on posh bits like South Warwickshire.
Will councillors get generous allowances?
A: Of course not. But there has be be just compensation as per Parliamentary regulations which was so successful in guaranteeing that our MPs didn’t waste public money
When will this new council begin its work?
A: As soon as our new council representatives return from Las Vegas where it is researching leisure facility opportunities
Thank you for your time
A: No problem. Can I claim for this?’
Phil, a leading motor-scooter salesman from Wednesfield (or is it Wednesbury?) and a political expert commented: “Birmingham is an economic powerhouse and an exciting cultural nexus point facility. And boy, do I love Alabama and all that fried chicken!!!!!!!
“Roll on, regional power.”