Word inside FIFA HQ this morning is that Brazil is to demand another go of their 1-7 drubbing by the Germans.
An insider, pockets filled to the inner linings with small denomination dollars, euros, Indian rupees and Chinese whatevers told me: “Brazil chief Luis Scolari is livid. The Germans didn’t play fair. Their team had ordinary haircuts.”“Brazil spent millions on gel, special barbers and stylists from the best salons. Neymar had that cute blondey-thing, David Luiz had the sideshow Bob electro shock look, and Cesar had the post-grad ‘I’m growing a goatee’ trip.
“The team was psyched and perfumed and ready.”
The FIFA dude went on:“They were gung ho on the tonsorial front. And besides, what could the Germans offer? Schurrle had the do of a chemistry teacher, Schweinsteiger had a flattop you could land a fighter jet on and their goalie looked liked a 1940’s pole vaulter.”
Manager Scolari added in a press conference: “I take full responsibility. Maybe I shoulda played players with names like Maxwell, Jefferson or Victor instead of Hulk, Fred or those monikers with funny endings. It was unsportsmanlike, unfair and worthy of an appeal now that I have checked by chequing account.’ added the FIFA guy as he tapped his mobile phone link to his offshore bank”.
Phil, a second hand car dealer from Doncaster and leading hairstylist added: “The Nutters have a point. They’re sh*t footballers but boy can they spread the pomade.”