from our Royal Editor Sir Howie Elston (DOA)
Sources deep within the private health world were rocked to their very rich foundations today when it was announced that Will and Kate’s impending royaL child will use social media to say Hi to the world seconds after the birth.
Kate is in St Becks Hospital for the Very Very Wealthy in downtown London, UK, and is reportedly in labour. A Buckingham House spokes-thing told me: ‘Whatever the sex, the newborn will use Twitter to greet his or her loyal subjects.’
Last week, Prince William told me at the Dirty Duck gastropub in trendy Menorca: ‘My child will be modern and up to date. We will only go to Balmoral four times a year, Sandringham monthly and Verbier for skiing three times a winter.’
‘Plus he or she will only begin as a lowly colonel of the Royal Lincolnshire Yeomanry until the child reaches the age of 6.’
The use of social media has notably taken off in the Royal Family. Prince Wills’ brother, ginger haired Whatisname, used Fickr to show his royal widget during a much publicised trip to Vegas. And Auntie Anne used Facebook to track down her errant son in law during a rugby trip to a colourful club in downtown Australia.
The Buckingham Palace spokesy-thing added: If a girl it will be called Pixie to fly the flag for Britain. And if a boy it will Wayne because we are all Man U fans.’
Royal watcher Nigel, a popular property developer from Tyneside, commented: ‘I love Liz and Phil and this child will help them crawl into the 21st century.’
As the royal heir arrives word has it the Lutz’s have retreated to their stone redoubt in Hibernia – is there new dynasty brewing from the north with one son edging ever closer to London and the other rabble rousing in the colonies. There is rumor that Lutz the elder is an American! Has anyone seen his birth certificate? It has been widely reported that he has a brother living in that land of radical left hedonists – California!