Howard Scooperoo: Nadal to Seek Asylum in Ecuador, May Be Joined by Swiss Has-Been

Howard Elston

Our sports supremo HOWARD ELSTON (DOA) reports on a new move by defeated Spanish tennis ace Rafael Nadal.

Wimbledon insiders have told me in an exclusive hush-hush, top secret meeting over strawberries, Cheese Whirls and Pimms that Rafael Nadal will head for Latin America after being dumped out of the world’s greatest tennis tourney.

The former Number One, now nursing a tricky knee and a questionable hairband, sped back to native Majorca after his shock first round defeat to a Dutch guy with a receding hairline.

But now sources told me in a late night tete-a-tete that the superstar is to leave  Spain and ask for asylum in Ecuador along with Wikileaks boss Julian Assange and the Yank with the glasses who has spilled the beans on American spies.

And rumours abound on Rumour Street that the sexy Balaeric star has been confabbing with suave Swiss  defeated racketman Roger Swiss Guy who also might be Latino bound after his quick Wimbledon exit.

‘Rafe told me he just wanted inner peace,’ the confidantial tipster told me after I squeezed a handful of spondoolix into his grubby palm. ‘He is in his mid twenties, not married and with no higher education certificates. He  is at a crossroads.’

Wimbledon Insider

Wimbledon Insider

Ecuador holds promise for the still young tennis supernova though. They speak Spanish there and many of their citizens work as cleaners and servants for the Spanish super rich. Plus there are a host of other reasons too which this humble reporter can’t right now remember.

And for Federer the country also holds hopes: it has cuckoo clocks galore and the folks there just love chocolate.

Phil, a second hand car dealer from the Yorkshire Dales and a tennis buff, commented:  ‘Whoar. Phew. Rafe Nadal. Whatta set of pecs on that dude. And as for Roger- a mega cutey-pie.”

‘And setting tennis aside for a min..check out those Seat deals for my 1.4 hatchback range. Talk about set love and match thingy.”