Our economics reporter, Sir Howard Elston, analyses the latest shock move by the government to rescue the UK from the hurricane of Euro fiscal disaster.
The British Lion roared last night as it launched its latest campaign to buoy up sterling.
In an effort to throw frogs’ legs into the face of the French and their evil ways, George Osborne announced that Nectarpoints will be attached to every UK overseas deal to bring more cash into our Sceptered Island.
‘Plus.’ he added from his 11 Downing Street redoubt, ‘ there will be an Amazing Prize Giveaway each month where a developing country will receive 20 percent off a Rover Metro with all the trimmings including a tape cassette.’
This amazing turnaround means the UK economy is sure to blossom amid the winter of our discontent.
Mr Osborne added: ‘The Prime Minister did the right thing by walking away from the expresso bar of the Euro-council thing. We can sail into a new dawn without their mangy crypto-communist non-English ways.’
And Nick Clegg, who is deputy something or other, added: ‘Yes, what he says is true.’
And he rocked the nation to its very foundations and added: ‘I think it is a good plan for Britain.’
Vince Cable, the Libdem business guy, added: ‘This’ll show Murdoch we really mean business.’
The Nectarpoint scheme, plus the car give away already paid dividends in the markets last night. The Dax, the CAC, the Nog, the Dow and the Cupcake all stopped flatline projections and inched upwards in the wake of the London announcement.
Phil, a second hand car dealer from Leeds and an international expert on money and Nectarpoints said: ‘Up here Clegg’s words are God. The entente is cordiale. Our Clios are flying off the forecourt like hot cakes.’
‘And I can add because I took night courses in Walloon : ‘C’est un piece de gateau.’