Our science editor Howard Elston (RBI) gives us the latest in the shocking new development that will change our very lives- forever.
Dateline: the Cern laboratory in Geneva
Researchers said tonight in Switzerland they are one step closer to pinning down the elusive sub atomic “Clegg particle” at last.
They remained cautious but quietly confident here in this vast underground lab about their findings and insisted they did not represent an official discovery but admitted the results were “intriguing”.
Teams searching for the missing Clegg Factor at the Osborne-Gingrich Collider said they had found hints which point towards a trace of the miniscule Clegg with a mass between 124 and 126 gigaelectronvolts (GeV).
Mr Nick Clegg has been missing since the galaxy first evolved 124 billion years ago after he was awoken in his jimjams by the then Prime Minister David Cameron to tell the coalition ‘deputy leader’ Nick Clegg that Britain was leaving a part of the world once called Europe.
He has not been seen since.
The team working on the detector said there was only a one per cent likelihood their results occurred by chance rather than reflecting a real effect.
‘If we find even a subatomic iota from Mr Clegg’s nucleus we can prove life existed in the pre-universal soup that preceded our known existence’ a scientist told me in a hush hush interview.
And expert Phil from Leeds, who is also a second hand car dealer in Headingley, added: ‘If Clegg can be pinpointed it will rock our very foundations.’
‘By the way’ the top expert added, ‘I am doing a very good deal on a low mileage Clio with a sunroof. Just right for the little lady.’