Yes, indeed, I have been hired by the former defence chief Lee Fox to head up his new research team.

I will be a special advisor advising him on really important advising things now that he has decided to seek new horizons after playing with big armaments and body armour.

Confirmation reached me today as I quaffed my usual white spirit and Glenfiddich cocktail on the terrace of the House where I am being backed by The Balti Triangle of Birmingham, Smith and Wesson Guns for Hire and The Stirchley Bowl.

Dr Fox, or ‘F’ as I like to call him, will be using me initially to round up new jobs such as opening leisure centres, doing the circuit of East Midlands social clubs as an MC for X Factor Nights and presenting real ale festivals in Staffordshire.

PM David Cameron (Tory) issued this statement: ‘I don’t know who Howard Elston is nor do I know anything about TheBirminghamPress.com cyberweb pages.’

‘But I know Lee and he will make a great…whatever.’

‘I wish him luck and good riddance.’